Why Jamie Fraser Is The Man We All Want But Can Never Have
But why the archetype found in the story is something we all need.
I did it. I succumbed. I had avoided it for so long… that “Outlander” thing that everyone was raving about.
… And I’m so glad I finally caved.
Words can’t express my newfound obsession with this story.
My husband teases me that it’s because every woman loves a time-traveling love story… and perhaps it’s true, but I really do find myself enthralled with the characters, the setting, and the plot.
I fell in love with Jamie Fraser from the first moment we met him (both in the book and in the Starz TV series).
His character is rough on the outside, while buttery-soft on the inside. He is faithful and loyal to a fault. He is everything a man should be: protective, strong, and true. His thoughtfulness and his ability to calm and comfort the people around him is noble.
His Scottish brogue is enough to make me woozy, and his fiery red hair makes me appreciate my own red hair a little bit more.
It was no surprise then how quickly Claire fell for him, despite having her heart torn between Jamie and her husband, who was still on the other side of the stones.
(*Warning: There may be spoilers past this point… read on with caution.)
Why We All Love Jamie Fraser
Goodness knows, I’m not sure we could count all the reasons why we love the red-haired, swoon-worthy Scot.
Look online and the number of fan sites is jaw-droppingly large. Jamie Fraser has officially become the man we all want.
There’s erotica based on Outlander, there’s countless numbers of women proposing to Sam Heughan (who plays Jamie Fraser on the show), and there’s just a ridiculous amount of press surrounding season 5, which starts in just a few weeks.
Jamie’s love for Claire is the stuff of legends.
Despite rather traumatic experiences, his love for Claire remains.
His thoughtfulness and loyalty to his friends and the people he loves is something notable.
The way he loves Claire emotionally and physically is stuff for the sexiest, steamiest porn (because really, that’s what good porn should portray). Even the book’s descriptions are enough to make a girl’s toes curl in delight.
The way he looks after Claire, protects her (even when it means getting married to her at first and then saying goodbye to her and his unborn child later), and does what ever it means to keep her out of harms way (even when she fights against it) is admirable.
His willingness to suffer at the hands of Randall to protect his bride is stomach-churning and yet the essence of true love.
In the book, his innocence around sex was adorable. He confesses to Claire before their wedding night that he had never been with a woman before. While this is a fairly common in that time period, those of us in the 21st century melted at his confession.
His hilarious reaction to Claire having her bikini line waxed in Season 2 was just simply adorable. Most of us would rather save ourselves the pain of having to wax down there, but, because porn, unfortunately, society tells us otherwise.
The obscenely ridiculous number of subreddit threads are enough for us to know that Jamie Fraser is the man every woman yearns for.
In terms of the Starz series, it doesn’t hurt that Sam Heughan isn’t hard on the eyes either.
Essentially, Jamie is the man we all want.
But Why We Can Never Have Him
Despite glowing reviews and a cult-like following, Outlander has a darker side that needs to be acknowledged, even for voracious fans.
Outlander has the ability cause viewers to draw comparisons and sow seeds of discontent in their own personal relationships.
I caught myself comparing my husband to Jamie the other day. It was a pretty innocent comparison, but one that slowly began to feed discontent within.
The initial comparison was comparing my husband to Sam Heughan, which seemed pretty innocent and something most of us do, but it still began to fester something deeper within
Due to medication and other factors, my husband’s sex drive is pretty low. It’s something that’s caused significant shame and guilt in my husband. He recognizes that is something that is a pretty big issue in our marriage.
We have been trying to work on it, and I have been going to sex therapy, but it’s still been a challenge in our marriage.
I noticed when I started watching Outlander and I wasn’t really assessing my thoughts that I would quickly become quite discontent with my marriage.
The way that Jamie and Claire connect physically is really the stuff of legend, but it’s also unrealistic to a certain extent.
Both the book and the show don’t address the realities of marriage and how things like stress, anxiety, postpartum depression, children, financial strain, and other significant things in life impact a marriage.
It doesn’t address the reality that people are simply exhausted and that sex just doesn’t happen multiple times a day or as often as we would like.
I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that there are parts of Jamie’s character that are significantly unrealistic.
There are a number of men who have complained that Outlander is simply “chick porn.”
They say that women always complain that porn is an unrealistic portrayal of women, but then they turn around and watch things like Outlander and other shows that glorify sexy men.
I do think they have a point.
I feel like many women are set up for disappointment when they base their “ideal” man on a ficitional character.
Often, I think we forget that while Sam Heughan is a real human being, the character he portrays in the series isn’t.
Many men spend their entire lives developing a tender heart and an open mind, and it’s not something many men have themselves without working through significant things on a personal self-improvement journey.
However, that being said, I think the argument that Outlander is “chick porn” also misses the mark.
I think there’s something beautiful about having something to aspire to, an archetype to model after, but rather than looking at Jamie as the ideal, I would argue that it’s time to look at Claire as the woman we all want to be.
Her tenacious spirit and never-give-up attitude is something I personally aspire to.
When Jamie and Claire appear in a scene together, it seems as if the sky breaks open and magic happens.
Their quest to stop the Battle of Culloden is something notable, depending on each other and their friends as they work through problem after problem.
And lest we forget the way Claire beautifully supported Jamie after his traumatic experience at Wentworth Prison, this truly was the two working together in a way that benefitted both.
But in reality, that really should be the case for all partnerships, married or not.
When two individuals connect and work together in tandem, things happen and that’s a great archetype to aspire to.
It’s time that we stop seeing as Jamie Fraser as the man we all want, but rather, it’s time we start seeing Jamie and Claire Fraser as the archetype to model our own relationships after, acknowledging that life is messy but that love can be beautiful.
